Finally I can breathe, but it also means that I have so much time. Of course there are still other things to do: getting the signatures of the members of the evaluation committee, having the manuscript printed, writing articles for journal publication. Yes, there's still a lot left to do but I decided to rest for tonight. To do the laundry, to watch a drama, to just relax.
But then, I should have just stayed at the laboratory. I would be alone there just the same but if I stayed there until late in the evening I won't be as irked as I am now.
Having a room to yourself is great but it also has its downside. It allows for one to think. Thinking is good, don't get me wrong. It's just that, now, all the things that happened the past few days are finally sinking in.
I was in the middle of revising my manuscript -- since the last day of uploading is today -- when I learned that I may be sick. The time I should have spent editing and polishing my manuscript were spent on going back and forth to the hospital for tests and transferring to another room. Oh make that rooms, because I had to do it twice. (Dapat ata akong magpasalamat na pinaglipat lang ako nang dalawang beses kasi yung unang tawag na natanggap ko sinabi na kailangan kong umalis ng dormitoryo). I tried so hard to continue with the task at hand but then I couldn't help but worry and feel anxious while waiting for the test results. The burden lessened when the doctor said that initial results show that -- let's just say, I am healthy. But then we would know for sure after a week because it wouldn't be until then that the complete test results would be released. So at least for today, I was able to finalize and upload the manuscript.The laundry is done. I finished watching the latest episode of the drama I'm following. I brought out and continued the cross stitch project that I am making... But this feeling has been bugging me since yesterday. I feel that I've been wronged.
Bakit nga ba ganito ang nararamdaman ko?
Dahil ba sa inaalagaan ko naman ang sarili ko eh muntik o kaya ay may posibilidad na magkasakit ako?
Dahil ba sa kailangan kong mag-alala nang isang pang linggo habang nag-aantay ng resulta?
Dahil ba sa muntik na akong paalisin sa dormitoryo?
Dahil ba sa dalawang beses akong pinaglipat ng kwarto?
Dahil ba sa halip na tumulong sa paglilipat eh masama pa ang tingin ng mga estudyante (lalo na yung mga nakakaalam na nasa pagamutan ang dati kong kasama sa kwarto) sa akin?
Dahil ba sa pinalipat ako sa kung saan mag-isa lang ako sa buong palapag?
Dahil ba sa kahit konting nararamdaman ko eh natatakot akong baka eto ay simula na ng mga sintomas?
Dahil ba sa natatakot akong bumahing o umubo sa harap nang ibang mga tao at baka isipin nila na may sakit nga ako?
O dahil ba sa yung mga taong nagdulot (kahit pa di sinasadya) sa pahirap, hinanakit at pag-aalala na naranasan ko sa mga nakaraang araw eh di man lang magawang humingi ng paumanhin nang derecta sa akin at ipinasabi lang sa iba?
Bakit nga ba?
